38 questions to ask on a video call that are not "so, what do you do?"
Openers, questions that get past small talk, ones that work across a language gap, and the five you should not ask a stranger on a video call.
"So, what do you do?" is the question that kills more calls than any other. It arrives in the first minute, it produces a job title, and then both people sit there wondering what happens next. It is not a bad question because it is boring. It is a bad question because the answer leads nowhere.
A good question does one job: it gives the other person something to be interested in. Below are 38 of them, grouped by where in a conversation they actually work, because a question that is perfect at minute twenty will land badly at minute one. Each comes with the reason it works, so you can invent your own once you see the pattern.
Openers, for the first two minutes
The job here is not to be interesting. It is to make it easy for her to say more than one word while both of you are still nervous.
| Ask | Why it works |
|---|---|
| What is the view out of your nearest window? | Everyone has one, it is easy to answer, and it usually comes with a story about the place she lives. |
| What time is it where you are, and what were you doing before this? | Two easy facts, and the second one often opens the whole evening. |
| Is it hot there right now? It is freezing here. | Weather is a cliché in text and genuinely useful on video, because you can both show it. |
| What is that behind you? | Only if there is something. It is the most natural question on a video call and the one that text chat can never ask. |
| How is your day going — honestly, not politely? | The second half is what makes it work. It gives permission for a real answer. |
| What did you eat today? | Sounds trivial. Food is the fastest route into culture, family and habit, and nobody has to think hard to answer. |
| Are you a morning person or is this late for you? | Timezones make this a real question rather than a filler one. |
| What is the first thing you notice about a room? | Gentle, slightly unusual, and it tells you how she pays attention. |
Getting past small talk
Once the first few exchanges have gone fine, the conversation needs somewhere to go. These are the ones that change the temperature.
| Ask | Why it works |
|---|---|
| What did you want to be when you were ten? | Far better than "what do you do". It gets an answer with feeling in it, and it works in any country. |
| What is something everyone where you live does, that people elsewhere find strange? | People love explaining their own place, and you learn more in two minutes than from any article. |
| What is the last thing that made you laugh properly? | Specific, recent, and impossible to answer with one word. |
| Who in your family are you most like? | Warm, revealing, and safer than asking directly about family circumstances. |
| What are you better at than most people? | Almost nobody gets asked this, and almost everybody has an answer they enjoy giving. |
| What would you do with a completely free Saturday and no money? | The no-money part is what makes it interesting. |
| What is something you have changed your mind about? | A real conversation question. Use it once the call is already going well. |
| What is playing in your headphones this week? | Music is the one subject where you can both show, not just tell. |
| What is the longest you have ever lived in one place? | Opens up moving, family and home without asking about any of them directly. |
| What do you do when you cannot sleep? | Everybody has a specific answer and almost nobody is asked. |
Questions that survive a language gap
If you and the person you are talking to do not share a fluent language, most of the list above is too complicated. These are built for it: short, concrete, and answerable by pointing the camera at something. There is more on this in how to video chat with someone who does not speak your language.
| Ask | Why it works |
|---|---|
| Show me your window. | Three words, no grammar, and it always works. |
| What is this called in your language? | Point at something. It turns a gap into a game, and she gets to be the expert. |
| Coffee or tea? | Simple either-or questions are the easiest thing to answer in a second language. |
| Show me a photo of your city. | Photos carry a conversation when sentences will not. |
| Teach me one word. | The single best question in this whole article. People remember the person who tried. |
| Same or different? | Hold up something, ask about hers. It sounds childish written down and it works beautifully in practice. |
Playful, for when it is already going well
| Ask | Why it works |
|---|---|
| What is the worst haircut you have ever had? | Everyone has one and everyone wants to talk about it. |
| If you had to leave in ten minutes and never come back, what do you take? | Reveals a lot, feels like a game. |
| What is the most useless talent you have? | Frequently ends with a demonstration, which is the point of being on video. |
| What do people always get wrong about you? | Slightly bolder. Wait until you are twenty minutes in. |
| What is your most controversial food opinion? | Nobody is offended and everybody has one. |
| Best and worst thing about where you live? | Two answers for the price of one question. |
| What is the most tourist thing you secretly enjoy? | Invites her to be unserious, which is where most people are more likeable. |
| If your phone read out your last search, would you be embarrassed? | Light, funny, and it never goes anywhere heavy. |
The ones that go deeper
Use these sparingly and late. Asked too early, a serious question feels like an interrogation rather than interest.
| Ask | Why it works |
|---|---|
| What are you working towards at the moment? | Better than asking about ambitions in the abstract. |
| When did you last do something for the first time? | A question people think about after the call ends. |
| Who has been the most important person in your life this year? | Only when a call is genuinely going well. |
| What would you tell yourself five years ago? | Reliable, warm, and it invites her to ask you the same. |
| What are you tired of explaining to people? | A question that says you have been listening. |
| What is something you are proud of that nobody would guess? | A closing question. It tends to be the part of the call people remember. |
Five to leave alone
- Anything about money. How much she earns, what she is paid, whether she needs anything. It changes the conversation into a transaction, and it is the opening move of most scripts that end badly.
- "Why are you on here?" It sounds curious. It reads as an accusation, and the honest answer is the same as yours.
- Anything explicit before there is any sign it is welcome. This is the fastest way to end a call and get reported, and rightly so.
- Her address, her workplace, her surname, her other accounts. Not on a first call. If you would not ask a stranger in a bar, do not ask on camera.
- "Are you real?" Whatever you meant by it, it lands as an insult. If you have doubts, ask her to do something spontaneous instead — wave, move the camera — and read the answer rather than demanding one.
One habit worth more than any list
Ask the follow-up. Most people ask a question, hear the answer, and immediately reach for the next question on their mental list. The whole conversation happens in the follow-up: "why that one?", "when did that start?", "what happened next?". Three of those and you will know something about a person that a hundred prepared questions would not have found.
If it is your first call and you would rather start with the mechanics, read how to have a better first video call first. It covers the ninety seconds before anybody says anything. And if you would rather just try three of these on someone tonight, that is what one-on-one video chat is for.